The first Marvel Studios’ Disney+ series is here! And, wow, it does not disappoint!

Everything about this show so far has been a hoot! (Lol – see what I did there?)

From Wanda, Vision, Agnes and the other curious neighbors, I can’t wait to see what happens throughout the WandaVision show on Disney+.

Quotes from WandaVision

Below are my favorite quotes from the series so far! Check back for new quotes as the series progresses.

A newlywed couple just moved to town. A regular husband and wife who left the big city to find a quiet life — WandaVision! She’s a magical gal in a small town locale. He’s a hubby who’s part machine. How will this duo fit in and fulfill all? By sharing a love like you’ve never seen. WandaVision! — WandaVision Theme Song Lyrics

My wife and her flying saucers. — Vision // My husband and his indestructible head. — Wanda // Aren’t we a fine pair? — Vision 

What do you say to silver dollar pancakes, crispy hash browns, bacon, eggs, freshly squeezed orange juice, and black coffee? — Wanda // I say, “Oh, I don’t eat food.” — Vision // Well, that explains the empty refrigerator. — Wanda

Is there something special about today? — Vision // Well, I know the apron is a bit much, dear, but I am doing my best to blend in. — Wanda // No, no, there on the calendar. Someone’s drawn a little heart right above today’s date. — Vision // Oh, yes, the heart. Hmm… Well don’t tell me you have forgotten, Vis. –Wanda // Forgotten? Oh, Wanda, I’m incapable of forgetfulness. I remember everything. That’s not an exaggeration. In fact, I’m incapable of exaggeration. — Vision // Well, then tell me what’s so important about today’s date. — Wanda // What was the question again? Oh, well, perhaps you’ve forgotten yourself. — Vision // Me? Heavens, no. I’ve been so looking forward to it. — Wanda // As have I. Today, we’re celebrating… — Vision // You bet we are. It’s the first time we have ever celebrated this occasion before. — Wanda // It’s a special day! // Perhaps an evening… — Wanda // Of great significance… — Vision // To us both! — Wanda // Naturally! — Vision 

Hello, dear. I’m Agnes, your neighbor to the right. My right, not yours. Forgive me for not stopping by sooner to welcome you to the block. My mother-in-law was in town, so I wasn’t. — Agnes

What’s your name? Where are you from? And most importantly, how’s your bridge game, hon? — Agnes // I’m Wanda. — Wanda // Wanda. Charmed. Golly, you settled in fast! Did you use a moving company? — Agnes // I sure did. Those boxes don’t move themselves. — Wanda

So what’s a single gal like you doing rattling around this big house? — Agnes // Oh, no, I’m not single. — Wanda // Oh, I don’t see a ring? — Agnes // Well, I assure you I’m married. To a man. A human one and tall. As a matter of fact, he’ll be home later tonight for a special occasion. Just the two of us. — Wanda // Oh, is it somebody’s birthday? — Agnes // Not a birthday. — Wanda // Well, today isn’t a holiday, is it? — Agnes // No, it’s not a holiday. — Wanda // An anniversary then? — Agnes // Ye… Yes! Yes! It’s our anniversary! — Wanda // Oh, how marvelous. How many years? — Agnes // Well, it feels like we’ve always been together. — Wanda

A young thing like you doesn’t have to do much, but it’s still fun to set the scene. Say, I was just reading a crackerjack magazine article called “How to Treat Your Husband To Keep Your Husband,” and let me tell you, what Ralph could really use is “How To Goose Your Wife So You Don’t Lose Your Wife.” — Agnes

This is gonna be a gas! — Agnes

Here are the computational forms that you requested, Norm. There you go. — Vision // Gee willikers, that was fast! Hey, the music isn’t bothering you, is it, pal? — Norm // In terms of distraction from work, or the largely nonsensical nature of the lyrics? — Vision // The first one. — Norm // Ah, no, thank you, Norm. — Vision

Would you be so good as to tell me what it is we do here exactly? Do we make something? — Vision // No. — Norm // Right. Do we buy or sell something? — Vision // No and no. — Norm // Then what is the purpose of this company? — Vision // All I know is, since you’ve gotten here, productivity has gone up 300%. — Norm // Yes, but what is it we’re producing? — Vision // Computational forms. And no one can process the data quite like you do, pal. You’re like a walking computer. — Norm // What? I most certainly am not. I’m a regular carbon-based employee made entirely of organic matter, much like yourself, Norm. — Vision

Have you got a screw loose? — Mr. Hart // Oh, no, sir. Screws all tightened, sir. — Vision // Yes, I should hope so. — Mr. Hart

I owe my success to being a keen judge of character. No skeletons in your closet, eh, Vision? — Mr. Hart // I don’t have a skeleton, sir. — Vision // Glad to hear it. Your future in this company depends on it. — Mr. Hart

What about seduction techniques? — Agnes // Oh, I have those. // Of course, you do. — Agnes // Just out of curiosity, what does it say? — Wanda // That you should stumble when you walk into a room so he can catch you. It’s romantic. — Agnes // Any other tricks? — Wanda // You could point out the death rate of single men is twice that of married men. — Agnes // Now, that’s romantic. — Wanda

Listen about tonight. — Vision // Don’t worry, dear. I have everything under control. — Wanda // Oh, well, that is a relief. I must confess, I’m really rather nervous. — Vision // Nervous? Whatever for? — Wanda // Well, you know, darling, I still get a little tongue-tied. — Vision // Vis, after all this time… — Wanda // There’s an awful lot riding on this one, Wanda. If tonight doesn’t go just so, I think this could be the end. — Vision // Well, it’s just one night. There’s no need to get dramatic. — Wanda // Look, I think the best course of action is to impress the wife. — Vision // And I think the best course of action is to impress the husband. — Wanda // Well, wonderful. Glad to know we’re both on the same page. — Vision

Is your husband tired of you burning his toast? Try our new and improved ToastMate 2000. It’s the go-to for clever housewives. — Commercial Salesman // Say, this machine has some shine. — Housewife // You said it. Set the dial and get the taste back into your toast. Top and bottom heating elements can handle anything from meatloaf, to cherry pie, to open-faced cheese sandwiches. The all new ToastMate 2000 by Stark Industries. “Forget the past, this is your future.” — Commercial Salesman

You want to know the meaning of it and the meaning of it is that this is the traditional Sokovian greeting of hospitality. Guess who? — Vision // Is that my host behind me? — Wanda // It certainly is. — Vision // Lovely to make your acquaintance. — Wanda // See, I forgot to tell you my wife is from Europe. — Vision

Who are those people? — Wanda // What are you wearing? — Vision // Why are they here? — Wanda // What are your wearing? — Vision // Well, it’s our anniversary. — Wanda // Our anniversary of what? — Vision // Well, if you don’t know, I’m not going to tell you! — Wanda

That heart on the calendar was an abbreviation! — Vision // You move at the speed of sound and I can make a pen float through the air. Who needs to abbreviate? — Wanda

Oh, Agnes, you’re a lifesaver! — Wanda // What kind of housewife would I be if I didn’t have a gourmet meal for four just lying about the place? Not that Ralph wants to eat anything but baked beans, which explains a lot about her personal appeal, mind you. — Agnes

Many hands make light work. And many mouths make good gossip. — Agnes // You’re so naughty! — Wanda

I know you’re in a pinch so this menu can be done in a snap. Lobster Thermidor with mini-minced meat turnovers to start. Chicken a la King with twice-cooked new potatoes for your second course, and Steak Diane and mint jellies for your main. Do you set your own jellies, dear? — Agnes // Yes. — Wanda // Good girl. — Agnes

Diane! — Wanda (about the Steak Diane) // Yes? Oh. I think that must be my wife summoning me. — Vision // She calls you “Diane?” — Mr. Hart // Yes, it’s her pet name for me. I’m just coming, Fred. Excuse me a moment. — Vision

Were either of you aware that married men are killing single med at an alarming rate? — Wanda 

Well. I think tonight’s going swimmingly. Anyone for Parcheesi? — Vision

Did you hear that? My wife’s head is spinning. Generally speaking, I don’t like her head to do that. — Mr. Hart

Dinner is served. — Wanda // Breakfast for dinner? How very… — Mr. Hart // European. — Mrs. Hart 

Let’s have a toast! To my lovely and talented wife. — Vision // To our esteemed guests. — Wanda // Yes. Cin cin. — Vision // Cheers. — Wanda

So, where did you two move from? What brought you here? How long have you been married? And why don’t you have children yet?  — Mrs. Hart // I think what my wife means to say is that we moved from… — Vision // Yes, we moved from… — Wanda // And we were married… — Vision // Yes, yes, we were married in… — Wanda // Well, moved from where? Married when? — Mr. Hart // Now, patience, Arthur. They’re setting up their story. Let them tell it. — Mrs. Hart

We are an unusual couple, ya know? Oh, I don’t think that was ever in question. — Vision // Well, what I mean is, we don’t have an anniversary. Or a song. Or even wedding rings. — Wanda // Well, we could remedy that. Today could be our anniversary. — Vision // Of what? Surviving our first dinner party? — Wanda // Precisely. And our song could be? — Vision // Yakety Yak, naturally. And the rings? — Wanda // Well, couldn’t you make some for us? *rings appear on their fingers* I do. Do you? — Vision // Yes. I do. — Wanda // And they lived happily ever after. — Vision

Wanda? — Vision // Yes, dear? — Wanda // Are you using your powers to turn on the light? — Vision // Yes, dear. — Wanda

What do you see? — Wanda // Only your lovely rose bushes. — Vision. // That’s all? Are you using your night vision, Vision? — Wanda // I assure, my love, I see nothin amiss. You have absolutely no reason to be frightened — *yelps* — Vision // You were saying? — Wanda

Actually, I did overhear a couple of lads at work remarking on a few unsavory characters settling in the neighborhood. Noe, who knows what those ne’er-do-wells might be up to? Robbing houses, vandalizing property. — Vision // Walking through walls, moving objects without touching them. — Wanda // Wanda, darling, you can’t be suggesting my colleagues were referring to us. — Vision

Well, I think we handled that well. — Wanda // Yes, I must say I’m rather proud of myself. — Vision

Holy toledo! Darling, do all the other acts in the talent show have such elaborate props? — Vision // Are you kidding? Fred and Linda are building a moat and a fully-functioning portcullis and no even knows why. — Wanda

Watch closely as I, Illusion, Master of Enigma, make my captivating assistant, Glamour, disappear. — Vision // You really are very dashing. — Wanda // Thank you, darling. Fear not, Glamour. For I, Illusion, vow to bring you back exactly as you are. Abracadabra! Ta-da! — Vision

Wanda, you’re not at all worried that the audience might just see through this little charade? — Vision // Well, that’s the whole point. In a real magic act, everything is fake. Darling, the talent show fundraiser is the most important event of the season and it’s our neighborly duty to participate. Plus, it’s our change to appear as normal as possible while doing so. — Wanda // Well, I don’t think that should be a problem. — Vision // This is our home now. I want us to fit in. — Wanda

Look, it’s the star of the show! — Agnes to Wanda

Say, those pants are peachy keen! –Geraldine // Do you really think so? The other ladies are in skirts. I was worried. — Wanda

The only reason I didn’t clap is because I’m afraid to move. I actually don’t know what I’m doing here. — Geraldine // I’m starting to feel that way myself. I’m Wanda. — Wanda // I’m, uh… Geraldine.

“New business” actually means another round of Danish. — Norm // Raspberry or cheese-filled? — Phil // Oh, night for me, thank you. I don’t eat food. What I mean to say is that I don’t eat food in between meals but at mealtimes. I’m a regular eating machine. — Vision

I too have some top secret gossip to share. Norm here’s a Communist. — Vision // Vision, you’re a real cut-up. — Phil // You know, I always thought you were kind of a square. — Norm // Me? No, I’m as round as they come. — Vision

Care for a stick o’ Big Red? — Herb // Well, hold on there a second. Didn’t you hear the man? he doesn’t eat food. — Norm // Is gum food? — Phil // Well, my understanding is that it’s for mastication. — Vision // No, I don’t do that. — Herb // Well, when in Westview… Cheers. — Vision // Who knew you were such a funny guy? — Norm

I’ve heard things about you. You and your husband. — Dottie // Well, I don’t know what you’ve been told, but I assure you I don’t mean anyone any harm. — Wanda // I don’t believe you. — Dottie

They say a man is never fully-dressed without two important accessories. His special lady and his Strucker. Strucker. He’ll make time for you. — Commercial voiceover

Today, we will lie to you and yet you will believe our little deceptions because human beings are easily fooled due to their limited understanding of the inner workings of the universe. Flourish! — Vision // You just do it. You don’t say it out loud, honey. — Wanda // And now my wife and I will delight in your dumbstruck little faces. Flourish! — Vision 

If only you all knew our secret! — Wanda

I don’t know what I was so worried about. It wasn’t so hard to fit in after all. — Wanda // And all we had to do was be ourselves. — Vision / /Well, with a few modifications. — Wanda

Vision… is this really happening? — Wanda // Yes, my love. It’s really happening. — Vision

WandaVision! WandaVision! We got something cooking and it’s looking good. We’ve got something cooking and who knew we could. All great expectations lead to complications. But it’s groovy and fun. It’s me and it’s you. Together, one plus one is more than two. WandaVision! WandaVision! Some sudden surprises come in all shapes and sizes. But it’s rainbows and sun, it’s you and it’s me. Together, one plus one is family. WandaVision! — Theme Song from Episode 3

Yep! Definitely pregnant! — Doctor Nielson // Well, that much we figured. — Wanda // It’s just kinda taken us by surprise. It’s just kinda suddenly. Quite suddenly, wasn’t it? I mean practically overnight. I mean… how did this happen? — Vision // You see, when a man and a woman love each other very much… — Doctor Nielson // Well, we’re just tickled pink, or blue. — Wanda

We let the little ladies keep tabs on their growing babies with fruit. Makes it simple for them. At four months, the fetus is about as big as a pear. At five months, a papaya. Six, grapefruit. Seven, pineapple. Eight, honeydew. — Doctor Nielson to Wanda and Vision

Hypothetically speaking, what size fruit would it be at, say, hmm, 12 hours? — Vision // Uh, pardon? 12 hours? — Doctor Nielson // Well, I think this line of questioning is fruitless. — Wanda

Hypothetically speaking, should we be concerned? — Vision // Hypothetically speaking, every new father-to-be gets nervous. — Dr. Nielson // Well, I have nerves of steel, so there goes your theory, Mr. Doctor. — Vision

Whoa, Nelly! Have you gotten bigger? — Vision // Have I? I can’t tell from this angle. — Wanda

I can’t wait to be a proud papa-ya. — Vision 

If that was the first kick, that puts you at about six months! Boy, oh boy, I thought I had super speed. I can’t keep up. Please don’t misinterpret. I can’t wait to meet you, little Billy. — Vision // Billy? — Wanda // Yeah. — Vision // Well, I was thinking Tommy. Just a nice, classic, all-American name. — Wanda // Hmm, Tommy. Hmm, yeah. Yeah. Then there’s Billy, isn’t there? Named after William Shakespeare. “All the world’s a stage. All the men and women, merely players.” — Vision // Well, I guess there’s only one solution to this debate. Hope for a girl. — Wanda 

Well, we ought to decide [about the name] soon. I estimate the baby’s due… it’s not a constant progression, assumably logarithmic, but were I to graph the fetal development thus far… — Vision // He’s gonna be here before you figure it out. — Wanda // Nearest I can conclude is that Billy… — Vision // Tommy. — Wanda // Is due Friday afternoon. — Vision

Let’s abandon the kitchen! — Vision

Do you think they know it’s my fault? — Wanda // Well, yes, with all the close calls we’ve been having, it seems the people of Westview are always on the verge of discovering our secret. — Wanda // Yes, I know what you mean. But it’s more than that, isn’t it? Mr. and Mrs. Hart, dinner. Outside with Herb. I think something’s wrong here, Wanda. — Vision

We just don’t know what to expect. — Wanda

Will the baby be human or Synthezoid? A bit of both? — Wanda // If he’s anything like his mother, Billy will be perfect. — Vision // You mean Tommy. — Wanda

Can you believe it? Twins. — Geraldine // I’m a twin. I had a brother. His name was Pietro. // He was killed by Ultron, wasn’t he? — Geraldine // What did you say? What did you say just now? — Wanda // I said, Wanda, you’re such. strong lady. Should I say it one more time for good measure? — Geraldine // No. What did you say about Pietro? — Wanda // Pietro? — Geraldine

I better get going. That macrame’s not gonna hitch itself. — Agnes

How are the numbers for the astronaut training program? — Monica Rambeau // Dismal. Lost half my personnel in The Blip and half of those remaining have lost their nerve. The program hasn’t been the same since you’ve been up there, Rambeau. 

World’s not the same as you left it. Space is now full of unexpected threats. — Tyler Hayward // Always was full of threats. And allies. — Monica Rambeau

I just wanna acknowledge the awkwardness of the situation. I know S.W.O.R.D.’s your home. Your mom built this place from the ground up. You grew up here. You should’ve been here to help name the replacement. — Tyler Hayward // You were the obvious choice. — Monica Rambeau // I was the only choice. — Tyler Hayward // I wasn’t gonna say it. — Monica Rambeau

The FBI is in a tizzy over a missing persons case up in Jersey. — Tyler Hayward // Missing persons? — Monica Rambeau // I know. But they have requested use of one of our imagining drones, and I need a chaperone. — Tyler Hayward // Tyler, drones usually chaperone me. — Monica Rambeau

So you can’t reach anyone on the inside and everyone on the outside has some sort of selective amnesia? — Monica Rambeau // This isn’t a missing person’s case, Captain Rambeau, it’s a missing town. Population 3,892. — Agent Jimmy Woo // Why haven’t you gone inside to investigate? — Monica Rambeau // ‘Cause it doesn’t want me to. You can feel it too, can’t you? Nobody’s supposed to go in. — Agent Jimmy Woo 

What is it? — Agent Woo // Some sort of energy field. — Monica Rambeau

We got the full clown car. It means whatever the threat is, S.W.O.R.D. clearly has not idea what they’re dealing with. — Darcy Lewis

FBI, Army. I saw the Air Force Office of Special Investigations out there. Research Lab, Space Command, too. A bona fide, joint, multi-service response. Really looking forward to the commemorative T-shirt. — Darcy Lewis

What are you getting? A colossal amount of CMBR. — Darcy Lewis // CM…? — S.W.O.R.D. Agent // Cosmic Microwave Background Radiation. — Darcy Lewis // We’ve been told the radiation is within a safe limit. — S.W.O.R.D. Agent // Uh, it is… For now. — Darcy Lewis

There are longer wavelengths superimposed over the noise here. I need a TV. An old one. Like, not flat. — Darcy Lewis

Between you, me, and the bedpost, I am not confident about this mission. — Agent Jimmy Woo

Someone must really miss you back in Quantico. –Tyler Hayward // No, sir. Softball season’s over, sir. — Agent Jimmy Woo

Look, I know it’s been a crazy few years on this planet, but he’s dead, right? Not blipped, dead. — Darcy Lewis about Vision 

My equipment registered an extremely high level of CMBR. That’s… — Darcy Lewis // Relic radiation dating back to the Big Bang. — Tyler Hayward // Yeah, entertained was a broadcast frequency. So I had your goons pick me up a sweet vintage TV. And when I plugged this bad boy in, voila, sound and picture. — Darcy Lewis

So you’re saying the universe created a sitcom starring two Avengers? — Agent Jimmy Woo // It’s a working theory. — Darcy Lewis

What are we lookin’ at here? Is it an alternate reality? Time travel? Some cockamamie social experiment? — Agent Jimmy Woo // It’s a sitcom. A 1950s sitcom. — Darcy Lewis // But why? — Agent Jimmy Woo // Hey, man, we’re working with the same scarcity of intel. — Darcy Lewis

Jimmy, Monica is talking to Wanda. She’s got a speaking part now. — Darcy Lewis // What is she saying? — Agent Jimmy Woo // She likes Wanda’s pants. — Darcy Lewis

Twins! What a twist. What? I’m invested. — Darcy Lewis

Did she just say the name Ultron? Has that happened before? A reference to our reality? — Agent Jimmy Woo // No. Never. — Darcy Lewis

There’s nothing here. One second, Monica is standing right there, and the next, she isn’t. Someone is censoring the broadcast. — Darcy Lewis

Agnes, I was just fluffing this pillow. With my face. — Vision

I was just on my way to Jazzercise when I heard your new little bundles of joy were on a sleep strike. — Agnes

Aunt Agnes is here and I’ve got a couple of tricks up my sleeve. — Agnes

Be careful of their belly buttons and remember to support their heads, and when was the last time you washed your hands…? — Vision

You want me to take that again? — Agnes // I’m sorry? — Wanda // You want me to hold the babies. Should we just take it from the top? — Agnes // What? — Vision // Oh, don’t be silly. Vision, let’s… let’s let Agent give it a try. — Wanda // Fussy babies, meet buns of steel. We dare you to stay awake. — Agnes

What was that about? — Vision // What was what? — Wanda // “What was what?” That, that with Agnes just now. Well, I think she just got confused for a moment. She seems fine now. But what she said, the way she looked at you. — Vision // How did she look at me? — Wanda

Lavender. It’s supposed to have a calming effect. Ralph sprays it on me every night. But there’s no taming this tiger. — Agnes

Don’t mind me. I’m just looking for your dark liquor. — Agnes // What? — Vision // Not for me. For the twins. What kind of babysitter do you think I am? — Agnes

Kids. You can’t control ’em. No matter how hard you try. — Agnes

You wander the world with a vision of what life could be. But then the years come and teach you to just wait and see. Forces may try to pull us apart. But nothing can phase me if you’re in my heart. Crossing our fingers, singing a song. We’re making it up as we go along. Through the highs and the lows, we’ll be right, we’ll be wrong. We’re making it up as we go along.And there will be days we won’t know which way to go. But we’ll take it higher, you’re all I desire. When the going gets tough, when push comes to shove. We’re making it up. ‘Cause we got love. — Episode 5 Theme Song

What’s the first thing you do remember? — Tyler Hayward // Pain. And then, Wanda’s voice in my head. — Monica Rambeau // Did you try to resist? — Tyler Hayward // There was this feeling keeping me down. This hopeless feeling. Like drowning. It was grief. — Monica Rambeau

We are now assessing a more clear picture of this crisis. And thanks to Captain Rambeau, we now have first-person intel from inside the Westview Anomaly. Our initial theory had Wanda Maximoff as one of many victims. We now know she is the principal victimizer. — Tyler Hayward

Quick history on our subject. Born in Sokovia in 1989 to Irina and Oleg Maximoff, both killed during an air raid when Maximoff and her twin brother, Pietro, were ten. — Agent Jimmy Woo // The twins were subsequently radicalized, volunteering at HYDRA. — Tyler Hayward // It’s an oversimplification of events, but, yes. After unspecified experimentation with the Mind Stone, Maximoff gained telekinetic and telepathic abilities. — Agent Jimmy Woo

Does Maximoff have an alias? — Tyler Hayward // No, sir. — Agent Jimmy Woo // No funny nickname? — Tyler Hayward // Not a one. — Agent Jimmy Woo // And earliest tracking had her using her powers against the Avengers. Is that correct? — Tyler Hayward // Right before she earned their trust and became one herself. — Agent Jimmy Woo // Lagos and Germany, we all know how that turned out. — Tyler Hayward

I try not to speak ill of people… — Agent Jimmy Woo // Then allow me. Hayward’s a d*ck. — Darcy Lewis

Wanda’s not a terrorist. — Monica Rambeau // By your own account, you described the experience of being under her mind-control as “excruciating, terrifying, a violation.” — Tyler Hayward // My point is, I don’t believe she has a political agenda or any inclination toward destruction. — Monica Rambeau // Monica, she blasted you halfway across New Jersey. — Tyler Hayward // And I survived because she chose to protect me. — Monica Rambeau // She’s holding thousands of people hostage. — Tyler Hayward // And it could have been thousand more if she hadn’t put up her own quarantine. Listen, I don’t believe this is a premeditated act of aggression. — Monica Rambeau

This morning I received the authorization to share this highly-sensitive material from S.W.O.R.D. headquarters. Until very recently, it was the top-secret location of the Vision’s corpse. — Tyler Hayward // When was this? — Monica Rambeau // Nine days ago. Maximoff stormed our facility, stole the Vision’s body and resurrected him. — Tyler Hayward // But that’s in direct violation of Section 36 B of the Sokovia Accords. — Agent Jimmy Woo // And the Vision’s own living will. — Tyler Hayward // He didn’t want to be anybody’s weapon. — Agent Jimmy Woo // Maximoff, in her grief, disregarded his wishes. — Tyler Hayward

But how did she even do it? Bring him back without the Mind Stone? — Agent Jimmy Woo // Who knows. But she has the world’s only vibranium synthezoid, playing Father-Knows-Best-In-Suburbia. What happens when he learns the truth? — Darcy Lewis

Wanda, we are usually so much of the same mind. But right now… what aren’t you telling me? — Vision

What’d I miss? — Agent Jimmy Woo // The twins aged up to ten. — Darcy Lewis // Holy Christmas. At this rate, they’ll be empty nesters by dinner time. — Agent Jimmy Woo

Have we identified these minors yet? Or the newborns? — Agent Jimmy Woo // Oh, Wanda’s twins are hers. Everything might look fake in the TV, but everything in there is real. — Monica Rambeau // But Wanda manipulates people’s perceptions, makes them hallucinate. — Agent Jimmy Woo // Yeah, that’s her whole bag. If all the sets and props and wardrobe were solid matter, that would mean she’s wielding an insane amount of power. — Darcy Lewis // Far exceeding anything she’s displayed in the past. — Agent Jimmy Woo // Uh, she could have taken out Thanos on her own if he hadn’t initiated a blitz. I mean, nobody else came close. — Monica Rambeau // Well, I’d argue that Captain Marvel came close. — Agent Jimmy Woo // Her powers came from an Infinity Stone, too, right? — Darcy Lewis // We are not talking about her. We are talking about Wanda. — Monica Rambeau

It’s not an illusion. Wanda is rewriting reality. — Monica Rambeau // Permanently? — Darcy Lewis // If she can change things as they go into the Hex… — Monica Rambeau // Ah, you called it the Hex! — Darcy Lewis // What happens if we send something in that requires no change? — Monica Rambeau

So you’re telling me this is a typewriter, a Rolodex, and a calendar all in one? What else can it do? Find me a wife? — Norm // Eventually, yes. — Vision

Wanda decides what makes it onto her show and what doesn’t. — Darcy Lewis

The missile was only a precaution. You can hardly blame us, Wanda. — Tyler Hayward // Oh, I think I can. This will be your only warning. Stay out of my home. You don’t bother me. I won’t bother you. — Wanda // I wish it could be that simple. You’ve taken an entire town hostage. — Wanda // Well, I’m not the one with the guns, Director. — Wanda // But you are the one in control. — Monica Rambeau

What do you want? — Monica Rambeau // I have what I want, and no one will ever take it from me again. — Wanda

Life moves pretty fast out in the suburbs. — Wanda

I spoke with Norm. — Vision // Oh? — Wanda // I unearthed the man’s suppressed personality and I spoke to him free of your oversight. He was in pain, Wanda. — Vision // Vision, listen, can we just… — Wanda // What? Watch TV? Turn in for the night so that you can change everything over again? No, Wanda. You can’t control me the way you do them. — Vision // Can’t I? — Wanda

What is the “Maximoff Anomaly”? — Vision // The what? — Wanda // I have to believe that this, whatever this is, was subconscious at first and that you only recently became aware of it. — Vision // Aware of what? — Wanda

Stop lying to me! — Vision // This, all of this is for us. So let me handle it. — Wanda // What is outside of Westview? — Vision // You don’t wanna know, I promise you. — Wanda // You don’t get to make that choice for me, Wanda! — Vision // You’ve never talked to me like this before. — Wanda // Before what? Before what? I can’t remember my life before Westview. I don’t know who I am! I’m scared! — Vision // You are my husband. You are Tommy and Billy’s father. Isn’t that enough? — Wanda

Wanda, why are there no other children in Westview? — Vision // Oh, God! There are! Just stop it! — Wanda // No, no. The playground stands empty every morning I walk to work. Why? Tell me why? — Vision // Do you really think that I am controlling everything? That I am somehow in charge of everybody in Westview? I’m walking their dogs, mowing their lawns, getting them to dentist appointments on time? I mean, I… I don’t know how any of this started in the first place. — Wanda // Wanda, what you’re doing here, it’s wrong. It is wrong. — Vision

Long lost bro get to squeeze his stinkin’ sister to death or what? — Peter Maximoff

She recast Pietro? — Darcy Lewis

Who’s the popsicle? — Peter Maximoff about Vision

Whoa, Mom. Are you old Red Riding Hood? — Billy // I’m a Sokovian fortune teller. — Wanda Maximoff

We actually have no idea what will happen in there or out here if Wanda dies. — Monica Rambeau

We can’t outgun her. And clearly antagonizing her is only making things worse. If Wanda is the problem, she has to be our solution. — Monica Rambeau

You know, you people who left still have the luxury of optimism. You have no idea what it was like. What it took to keep the lights on. — Tyler Hayward // Don’t use the last five years as an excuse to be a coward. — Monica Rambeau // Maybe it’s a good thing you weren’t here when your mother died. Because clearly you don’t have the stomach for this job. — Tyler Hayward

You’re testing me. — Pietro Maximoff // No, I’m not. — Wanda Maximoff // Hey, it’s cool. I know I look different. — Pietro Maximoff // Why do you… look different? — Wanda Maximoff // You tell me. I mean, If I found Shangri-La, I wouldn’t wanna be reminded of the past either. — Pietro Maximoff

I can’t believe what a bad influence you are. — Wanda Maximoff // Who beefed in your borscht? I’m just trying to do my part, okay? Come to town unexpectedly, create tension with the brother-in-law, stir up trouble with the rugrats, and ultimately give you grief. I mean, that’s what you wanted, isn’t it? — Pietro Maximoff

What happened to your accent? — Wanda Maximoff // What happened to yours? Details are fuzzy, man. I got shot like a chump on the street for no reason at all and the next thing I know, I heard you calling me. I knew you needed me. — Pietro Maximoff

If you’re gonna break the sound barrier, please just take your brother with you. — Wanda Maximoff to Tommy

You — you’re one of the Avengers. You’re Vision. Are you here to help us? — Agnes // I am Vision. I do want to help. But what’s an Avenger? — Vision // What? Why don’t you know? Am I dead? — Agnes // No, no. Why would you think that? — Vision // Because you are. — Agnes // ‘Cause I am what? — Vision //. Dead. Dead. Dead! — Agnes

Agnes, it is my intention to reach those outside of Westview and make sense of our situation. — Vision // How? No one leaves. Wanda won’t even let us think about it. All is lost. — Agnes

You can’t go back into the Hex. — Darcy Lewis // Worst case scenario, Wanda removed my free will and puts me in ultra-low-rise jeans. — Monica Rambeau // Hayward has your bloodwork. You’ve gone through the boundary twice already, Monica. The energy inside has re-written your cells on a molecular level twice. It’s changing you. — Darcy Lewis // Seen enough lab results to last me a lifetime. Cells metastasizing, cells in remission. I know what Wanda’s feeling and I won’t stop until I help her. — Monica Rambeau

How’d you even do all this? Hey, I’m not some stranger and I’m not your husband. You can talk to me. — Pietro Maximoff // I don’t know how I did it. I… I only remember feeling completely alone. Empty. I just… endless nothingness. — Wanda Maximoff

Hey, don’t sweat it, sis. It’s not like your dead husband can die twice. — Pietro Maximoff to Wanda

Look, we’ve all been there, right? Letting our fear and anger get the best of us, intentionally expanding the borders of the false world we created. — Wanda Maximoff

You’re the new clown? At least you’re already in makeup. — Circus Performer to Vision

Yeah, I’m not great at this gig, I gotta be honest. It doesn’t really speak to my skill set. I put in for the bearded lady, but this alabaster complexion wasn’t fooling anyone. — Darcy Lewis

I think I got there in the nick of time, ’cause she was one split end away from cutting her own bangs. — Agnes

I actually did bite a kid once. — Agnes

You know, part of me secretly wanted a guest spot on the show, but seriously, that sucked. — Darcy Lewis

Ralph says that I sugarcoat things. But you try telling a 10-year-old that his mother is cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. — Agnes

So, Wanda killed me? — Vision // Yes, but it’s not that simple. You asked her to do it. — Darcy Lewis // Why would I have done that? — Vision // To save the universe. Well, half of it. — Darcy Lewis // Did it work? — Vision // It did. Until the bad guy rewound time and killed you himself. There are a few extra steps, but to set up the context… — Darcy Lewis // I came back and died again. — Vision // And she had to watch. — Darcy Lewis

So if I understand correctly, my original code dates back to an AI called Jarvis? But my corporeal form was born of Ultron’s plan for global genocide? — Vision // Correct-o. — Darcy Lewis

What I do know is that I’ve been watching WandaVision for the past week. And the love you two have is real. You belong together. — Darcy Lewis to Vision

Don’t let him make you the villain. — Monica Rambeau about Haywar // Maybe I already am. — Wanda Maximoff

You didn’t think you were the only magical girl in town, did you? — Agnes to Wanda

The name’s Agatha Harkness. Lovely to finally meet you, dear. — Agatha

Who’s been messing up everything? It’s been Agatha all along. Who’s been pulling every evil string? It’s been Agatha all along. She’s insidious. So perfidious that you haven’t even noticed. And the pity is it’s too late to fix anything, now that everything has gone wrong. Thanks to Agatha. Naughty Agatha. It’s been Agatha all along! And I killed Sparky, too. — Agatha’s Theme Song

I did not break your rules. They simply bent to my power. — Agatha Harkness

That’s adorable. My thoughts are not available to you, toots. They never, ever were. So don’t go givin’ yourself a migraine. — Agatha Harkness to Wanda

Your magic’s no good here. Didn’t you notice? Basic protection spell, one in each wall? No? Nothing? These are runes, Wanda. In a given space, only the witch that cast the runes can use her magic. How do you not know the fundamentals? — Agatha Harkness

Who are you? All those costumes and hairstyles. I was so patient, waiting for you to reveal your true self. I got close with fake Pietro. Fietro, if you will, but no dice. — Agatha Harness to Wanda

With thousands of people under your thumb, all interacting with each other according to complex storylines. Well, that’s something special, baby. — Agatha Harkness to Wanda

And then of course there’s transmutation. Years of study to achieve even the smallest convincing illusion. But Westview through your lens, Wanda… every little detail in place down to the crown molding. You’re even running illusions miles away at the edge of town. Magic on autopilot. What’s your secret, sister? — Agatha Harnkness to Wanda

So much trauma… and yet you were safe as kittens the whole time. So, what I see here is a baby witch, obsessed with sitcoms and years of therapy ahead of her. — Agatha Harkness 

So, little orphan Wanda got up close and personal with an Infinity Stone that amplified what, otherwise, would’ve died on the vine. — Agatha Harkness

But what is grief, if not love persevering? — Vision to Wanda

So to recap. Parents dead, brother dead, Vision dead. What happened when he wasn’t there to pull you back from the darkness, Wanda? — Agatha Harkness

You have no idea how dangerous you are. You’re supposed to be a myth. A being capable of spontaneous creation, and here you are, using it to make breakfast for dinner. — Agatha Harkness

This is Chaos Magic, Wanda. And that makes you the Scarlet Witch. — Agatha Harkness

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